My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
