it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
