i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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