This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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