Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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