I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
