Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
