i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
