Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
