haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
