So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
