Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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