I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
