She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
