yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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