Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
