I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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