So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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