Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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