Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.