i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.