1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?