Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
