i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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