Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he was CRYING into my vagina
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
