I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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