I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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