tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
