what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
