How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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