i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
