Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
