Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
