So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
