apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
