A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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