I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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