Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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