Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
