Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
