my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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