Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
