I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my phone needs a breathalizer
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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