Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
