Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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