can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In other news, I just burned my penis
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
