im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
