i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
