I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
