Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
