Will you blow on my dice?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
