the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
