i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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