you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
