oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I need to align my fucking chakras
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
