I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
please don't ironically join a cult
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