I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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