i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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