This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
