Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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