wakey wakey hands off snakey
are you so shy because you have an std?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
