I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
