You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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