the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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