did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
