last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
