I skipped work to stalk him.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
