What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
