I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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