ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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