Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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