"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
