but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
