I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
