Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
