just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
