U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
