Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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