Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
