And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
