I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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